


Bend Your Efforts

by obiwamkenobbly (emmykay)



Category: The Eagle | The Eagle of the Ninth - All Media Types
Genre: Ficlet, Humor, M/M, art talk, talking about phallus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2020-09-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:08:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26273113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emmykay/pseuds/obiwamkenobbly
Summary: Esca and Marcus talk about art.  And penises.
Relationships: Marcus Flavius Aquila/Esca Mac Cunoval
Comments: 6
Kudos: 25





	Bend Your Efforts

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: _more Eagle fic should include the original gaudy colors of ancient Roman and Greek Statues_
> 
> “If you do these things I tell you, and bend your efforts to them, you will always have a shining breast, a bright skin, big shoulders, a minute tongue, a big rump and a small prick. But if you follow the practices of today, for a start you’ll have a pale skin, small shoulders, a skinny chest, a big tongue, a small rump, a big prick and a long-winded decree.” (Aristophanes, Cloud, Lines 1010 – 1019)

"It's hideous."

Marcus looked at Esca, his eyebrows raised. "This is what art is."

Esca looked at the enormous statue of Antinous in the center of the village square. It was 15 pedes of carved marble, the curly head painted a bright yellow, the face and body covered in a tan with a bright blush over the cheeks and the very prominent nipples. A purple and red garment was slung over one arm. Special attention had been paid to the face, whose eyes featured bright blue irises of a color not found in nature, their centers a flat unemotive black, and suggested long eyelashes, while the combination of carving and paint turned the mouth into a simpering moue. He shrugged. "I suppose if it's what you're used to."

"What do you consider art, then?" Marcus asked, visibly stung. "Painting your face blue? Squiggles carved into rock? That giant fellow in the chalk hills that's mostly dick and balls that gets refreshed every spring?"

"That's a fertility rite," Esca said, "not art. That's different. You're acting like you painted that statue."

Marcus frowned.

Esca, sensing a win, pursued it. "I suppose you don't have giant dicks in your art either, then?"

"That statue has a small penis," Marcus countered.

"Relatively. For a statue of that size. For a human male, that's a big, floppy dick."

"It's a symbol of youth and beauty and rationality," Marcus said. 

Esca looked at him and laughed. "You are arguing _for_ small penises."

"We are arguing over small penises!"

"Your people love the big penis."

"Your people love a big penis, too!" 

"Not in real life! Not too big!" Esca protested. "There's a happy middle ground between how much is too much and what is not enough."

Marcus opened his mouth, and then reconsidered.

Esca gave him a quick, sharp glance.

"I never said the statue was any good, or that I liked it." Marcus sighed. "And I most definitely had no hand in any of the decision making about it."

"I hope not," Esca said. 

"The eyes on that thing," Marcus said thoughtfully. "You don't think that's what Hadrian found attractive, do you?"

Esca shuddered. "They should have done a statue based upon what Hadrian did find attractive. Surely it would have had a small, youthfully floppy penis and a big bottom. And also -"

"No," said Marcus abruptly, as if understanding where this line of thought was going.

"It would have been bent over - "

"NO."

"- the backside painted with a huge, pink and black - "

"ESCA!"

"Anyway," Esca said as if he hadn't been interrupted, "that's what should have been done."


End file.
